Signs of a Healthy Relationship

 

1. Open communication

• Facing difficult conversations as well as easy-to-have conversations.

• Even if your partner has a different opinion, they listen without judgment and then share their perspective.

• Communication goes both ways. It’s important you also feel that they’ll voice their own concerns or thoughts as they come up.

• If in a non-monogamous relationships emotional check-ins and frequent communication about what’s happening with other partners may be even more important

 

2. Trust

• Honesty and integrity. 

• You don’t keep secrets from each other

• When you’re apart, you don’t worry about your partner pursuing other people

• Believing your partner won’t cheat or lie to you

• Feeling safe and comfortable with your partner & knowing they won’t hurt you physically or emotionally

• You know your partner has your best interests in mind & also respects you enough to encourage you to make your own choices

 

3. Individuality

• Interdependence - relying on each other for mutual support but still maintaining your identity as a unique individual

• Balanced - Knowing you have their approval and love, but your self-esteem doesn’t depend on them

• Although you’re there for each other, you don’t depend on each other to get all of your needs met

• You still have friends and connections outside the relationship and spend time pursuing your own interests and hobbies

 

4. Curiosity

• Showing interest in each other’s thoughts, goals, and daily life

• Wanting each other  to grow into their best selves

• Not being fixated on who each other used to be or who you think they should be

• Being willing to consider or talk about changes to your relationship structure if aspects of your existing relationship become less fulfilling

•  

5. Time apart

• Recognizing the need for personal space and time to separate from your partner

• This time may be spent relaxing solo, pursuing a hobby, or spending time with friends and family

• Although spending time together is important, setting aside time to be without your partner is also important for growth and balance

 

6. Playfulness or lightheartedness

• Make time for fun and spontaneity

• If you can joke and laugh together

• Challenges or distress might affect one or both of you & may change the tone of your relationship & make it hard to relate to each other in your usual ways

• Sharing lighter moments that help relieve tension, even briefly can strengthen your relationship even in tough times

•  

7. Physical intimacy

• Intimacy often refers to sex, but not always. As long as you’re both on the same page about getting your needs met, your relationship can still be healthy without it

• Physical intimacy might involve kissing, hugging, cuddling, and sleeping together

• Whatever type of intimacy you share, physically connecting and bonding is important

 

Your physical relationship is most likely healthy when you:

• feel comfortable initiating and talking about sex

• can positively handle rejection

• can discuss desires

• feel safe expressing your interest in more or less sex

• respect sexual boundaries including:

1. don't pressure partners about sex or specific sex acts when they say no

2. sharing information about other partners

3. discussing sexual risk factors

 

8. Conflict resolution

• Working together and support each other, even when you don’t agree on something or have goals that aren’t exactly the same

• It is normal to have occasional disagreements and feel frustrated or angry with each other from time to time

• Address conflict without judgment or contempt 

• Aim to find a compromise or solution

• Talk about your differences politely, honestly, and with respect

 

Your relationship should contribute to a sense of fulfilment, happiness, and connection. If you tend to feel more anxious, distressed, or unhappy around your partner, your relationship may be struggling

​

Relationship red flags

 

1. One of you tries to control or change the other

• We are never in control of changing another person

• If you’re concerned about a specific behavior, you should feel comfortable enough to bring it up

• It’s OK to express your feelings and ask them to consider making changes

• It is not OK to tell them what to do or attempt to control their behaviour

• If they do something that really bothers you and you can’t accept it, the relationship may not have long-term potential

 

2. Your partner doesn’t respect your boundaries

• Boundaries can include respectful communication to privacy needs

• If you set a boundary and they push against it or pressure you to change it this may be a serious red flag

 

3. You don’t spend much time together

• You consistently see less of each other without a clear reason, such as family difficulties or more responsibilities at work

• Feeling distant from each other or relieved when you’re not together

• Fnding excuses to avoid spending time together

 

4. The relationship feels unequal

• Inequality may include: financial responsibilities, affection, communication, and relationship expectations

• Some periods of inequality may be inevitable such as: temporarily losing your income, have difficulty helping with chores because of illness, or feel less affectionate due to stress or other emotional turmoil

• However, if your relationship regularly feels unbalanced and there is no improvement/effort to change inequality this can be problematic

 

5. They say negative or hurtful things

• Constantly criticizing each other or saying intentionally hurtful things, especially about personal choices, such as food, clothing, or favourite TV shows

• Criticism that makes you feel ashamed or bad about yourself is generally unproductive

• Saying hurtful things about others (eg: hate speech, slurs, or make discriminatory remarks about others)

 

6. You don’t feel heard in the relationship

• They seem disinterested when you bring up a problem or share something that’s been on your mind

• You avoid sharing your opinion or talking about serious issues because you worry they’ll brush you off

• If you do talk through an issue and they seem receptive but don’t make any changes or have forgotten what you talked about by the next day

 

7. You’re afraid of expressing disagreement

• If your partner responds to your different viewpoint with dismissal, contempt, or other rudeness, this often suggests they don’t respect you or your ideas

• If you feel that you need to censor what you say or feel unsafe because you worry about your partner’s reaction, consider leaving the relationship

• You may also consider seeking professional help or speaking with a trusted loved one for support.

• If you are experiencing domestic violence, you can reach out to

• Emergency: 000

• Police: 131 444

• Women’s Domestic Violence Helpline: Free call 1800 007 339

​​

Is your relationship healthy?

 

Ask yourself:

• Does my partner encourage me to grow?

• Do we share goals for the future?

• Do we want the same kind of relationship?

• Can I be myself with them?

• Do I accept them for who they are?

• Do we give and take from each other fairly equally?

• Is my life better with them in it?

• Does our time together have meaning?

 

If you answered yes to six or more of these questions, your relationship is probably a strong one.​

If some of the relationship red flags struck home, couples counselling might be a good step. Getting help doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you want to work at improving, for yourselves and for each other. Even the healthiest of relationships can sometimes use a little extra work.

​

​